Attack of the Rabid Fangirls
by Stormlight
Summary: Fushigi Yuugi meets The Raven meets bored writer with a warped sense of humor. Oh, deary my. What's a poor seishi to do?


_My little tribute to both Poe and Fushigi Yuugi (and rabid fangirls everywhere).  
><em>_Doesn't __get much better than this._

* * *

><p><em>Attack of the Rabid Fangirls<em>  
><em>by Stormlight<em>

Once upon a midnight dreary,  
>Tasuki wandered, drunk and bleary,<br>(feeling slightly less than cheery)  
>through a barroom's open door.<br>Tripping over chairs and clutter,  
>pausing now and then to mutter<br>words to make a _soldier_ shudder,  
>down he plopped onto the floor.<br>"Gimme sake!" Tasuki hollered as he sat upon the floor.  
>But the owner said, "No more!"<p>

_"Rekka Shien!"_ Tasuki bellowed  
>toasting the unlucky fellow<br>like a human-sized marshmallow;  
>down he fell onto the floor.<br>Sulking now, the bandit grumbled,  
>"Serves ya right!" And then he stumbled<br>to his feet before he tumbled  
>head-first out the barroom door.<br>While, smoking hot and extra-crispy (feeling just a little sore),  
>the teed-off owner cursed and swore.<p>

In the meantime, Tamahome  
>and Nuriko and Mitsukake<br>searched the city, looking for a certain foul-mouthed bandit-boy.  
>When suddenly, to their dismay,<br>a flash of lightning, bright as day,  
>revealed a horrible display!<br>They'd found their missing bandit-boy,  
>and to the bandit (who was looking just a little bit annoyed)<br>clung rabid fangirls, overjoyed.

_" Yeek!"_ the desperate fellow yelped  
>as one girl grabbed him by the belt.<br>"Oh, you're so yummy, I could melt! Let's go get married right away!"  
>"Get 'em <em>off<em>," the bandit growled.  
>His so-called friends just stood and howled.<br>"You're on your own!" Nuriko yowled.  
>"But have a happy wedding day!"<br>And as the fangirl dragged her victim off to plan their wedding day,  
>the other girls remained to play.<p>

"Who's next?" a fangirl asked her friend.  
>"It's my turn now!" the other said.<br>"Oh, Nuri-chan, you've always been my favorite out of everyone!"  
>A sweatdrop slid down Nuri's head.<br>"Don't look at me, I'm gay!" he said.  
>He realized that he should have fled<br>back when he had the chance to run.  
>"Oh, Nuri-chan, don't look so scared! We're gonna have a <em>lot<em> of fun!"  
>And Nuri knew that he was done.<p>

Mitsukake-san was overwrought.  
><em>Well, this is it,<em> the Seishi thought.  
>No way in hell would <em>he<em> get caught!  
>And so away he tried to leap.<br>"Hold up, there!" yelled fangirl three.  
>"You don't escape <em>that<em> easily!"  
>She latched herself onto his knee<br>and down they tumbled in a heap.  
>And as he lay there, tangled up with fangirl three inside that heap,<br>Mitsukake felt like he could weep.

"Three down so far, and now one more!"  
>exclaimed an eager fangirl four,<br>and Tamahome squirmed and swore  
>when skinny arms wrapped 'round his neck.<br>The steaming Seishi ranted, raged,  
>"Forget it, lady! I'm engaged!"<br>"Ya know, you're cute when you're enraged,"  
>the girl announced in retrospect.<br>So Tamahome heaved a sigh and kissed goodbye his self-respect.

So was the fate of these four men,  
>but still the tale was far from done,<br>for as they planned their crafty fun,  
>more rabid fangirls lay in wait.<br>While in the palace library,  
>perusing scrolls and drinking tea,<br>a little boy sat patiently,  
>not noticing the hour was late.<br>And so absorbed in scrolls was he, he did not see the lamp abate.  
>Until, of course, it was too late.<p>

His shriek of terror echoed clearly  
>down the hall toward Chichiri,<br>who, of course, was shocked severely  
>by the volume of the shout.<br>"Who'd have thought he had _that_ in 'im?"  
>said the monk while looking grim.<br>He grabbed his kasa on a whim,  
>picked up his staff, and headed out.<br>And there he came upon a sight that made him feel like freaking out.  
>A fangirl stood there with a pout.<p>

"And where do you think _you_ are going?"  
>asked the fangirl with a knowing<br>glimmer in her slightly-glowing  
>eyes, which held a reddish hue.<br>And Chichiri felt a sinking.  
>Who knew <em>what<em> this nut was thinking?  
>He could only stand there blinking<br>at the chain the girl withdrew  
>(thick chain made of solid steel) from out of midair 'tween the two.<br>And 'Chiri realized he was through.

In the meantime, Hotohori,  
>sitting there in all his glory<br>(waiting for his bedtime story)  
>sensed that something wasn't right.<br>From just outside his chamber door,  
>the emperor of Konan swore<br>he heard a thud against the floor,  
>the scuffle of a silent fight.<br>He opened wide his chamber door, prepared for an unpleasant sight,  
>and very nearly died of fright.<p>

"GET 'IM!" shrieked the Voice of Doom,  
>that waited just outside his room<br>(although the fangirls, busy swooning,  
>failed to pay the voice much heed).<br>In a panic, he retreated.  
>Things were getting rather heated.<br>All the Seishi were defeated;  
>it was time for him to leave.<br>But…  
>"Come on, Gorgeous!" cried a fangirl, grabbing 'Hori by the sleeve.<br>"Let's go play some make-believe!"

And so, the girls began to wend  
>their way back home with their new friends<br>(who could not seem to comprehend  
>how they had gotten in this mess).<br>No matter how they begged and pleaded,  
>all imploring went unheeded.<br>Such disgrace to be defeated  
>by some fruitcake in a dress!<br>But hopefully (with therapy) they'll overcome this unsuccess.  
>And we'll still love 'em, nonetheless.<p>

_The End_


End file.
